The Merchant vs The Happy Mask Salesman - Epic Rap Battle Parodies Season 1

The Merchant vs The Happy Mask Salesman - Epic Rap Battle Parodies Season 1

The Merchant vs The Happy Mask Salesman 
is the seventh installment of ERBParodies. It features Legend of Zelda shopkeeper and mask salesman, The Happy Mask Salesman, battling Resident Evil 4 shopkeeper, The Merchant, to see who is the better creepy salesman. It was released February 21, 2013.


Zander Kanack as The Happy Mask Salesman

Justin as The Merchant

LazySundayPaper as Zombie


The Happy Mask Salesman:Edit

Oh hi, 72 hours remain before I kick your ass to shame.

I'm telling ya, you're gonna shit yourself when you see me in-game.

Alright stranger, we ain't gonna buy your herbs.

Let the clock tick down, then the moon will kick you off my turf.

You should not have done that, I made BEN drown,

Remove that dumb bandana so I can laugh at that frown.

You sound like a 50-year-old guy who smoked a lot.

Explain to me how you feel when Leon walks past your shop.

The Merchant:Edit

Hello stranger, you've got your facts flipped.

Tell me why your pedophillic ass has to scare those little kids.

Don't look at me with that stupid grin, you creepy damn clown.

The reason I wear this bandana is so I don't see your ass in Clock Town.

I sell all my shit, you're just a loan shark.

At least when I wanna sell something, stranger, the price has a decent mark.

The moon doesn't wanna see your ass so he crushed your town with all his might,

Me kick your ass? Ah! I'll buy at a high price!

The Happy Mask Salesman:Edit

I once heard the story of The Merchant who cried bankrupt,

Did Umbrella get to you, or did you think you actually won?

I'll light the blue torches, sell everything in your shop.

Sorry, Merchant, you lose, just PLEASE STOP.

The Merchant:Edit

Got a lot of good things on sale stranger, your victory isn't one.

What are you buyin'? Psyche! I'd never let you be a customer, son.

24 hours remain? Better get your shit and fly.

Want another ass beating? Ha! Come back anytime.


Who Won?

The poll was created at 19:12 on January 4, 2014, and so far 45 people voted.


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